


it's the wrong time for somebody new (it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you)

by ANNECY



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dance, M/M, harry was a dancer, kind of like save the last dance, louis is just nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 23:28:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4324920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANNECY/pseuds/ANNECY
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis smiled softly, bringing his left hand up to Harry’s face, touching his jaw. Harry looked back up at him, eyes locking. He felt his breath hitch when Louis leaned towards him, eyes unblinking. Louis’ slender fingers brushed his cheekbones, pushing a stray curl behind his ear and keeping it there. Harry exhaled, biting his lip and fitting his left hand over Louis heart. </p><p>“Are you nervous?” </p><p>“A bit, yeah.” Louis smiled, his eyes crinkling. Harry pursed his lips. </p><p>“Are you going to kiss me?” </p><p>“Do you want me too?” Louis countered and Harry breathed out a laugh, rushing forward while pulling Louis towards himself by his shirt. Louis laughed, their mouths crashing together in a mess of teeth and lips and Harry couldn’t stop laughing. It all felt so ridiculous, Louis turned his head slightly, lips brushing over Harry’s cheek , breath warm and rushed. </p><p>_</p><p>harry used to dance, his mum dies, louis falls in love with him. niall starts dating a mystery girl and zayn and liam fall in love with each other or something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's the wrong time for somebody new (it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you)

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this story took me a really long time. Like, I started it somewhere last year and well, this is it. I must say, I didn't always had the motivation to keep writing, but it turned out quite nicely. Anyway, thank you all so much for reading.
> 
> title is from damien rice 9 crimes
> 
> also, if there's any mistake, im sorry, it's late and after reading it sooo many times you just read over the mistakes. 
> 
> aaaand, the song i listened to for harrys audition dance can be found here; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFL_P_ba28s

 

 “Oh my God, Harry! Hurry the fuck up, were going to be late!”

 

“Shit, shit. Just a sec, Gale!” Harry rushed to get all his stuff packed into this bag, before storming down the stairs, almost knocking over his sister.

 

“We don't have time Harry, we're going to be so late!” Gale exclaimed, while Harry slipped on his shoes.

 

“I know, I know. Mum's going to be there, right? She promised.”

 

“She'll try okay? You know how busy she's with the shop,” she answered, while closing and locking the front door. Harry threw his bag on the backseat of the car. Gale sliding in on his right and starting the car.

 

They drove in silence for a bit, before Harry closed his eyes and Gale reminded him to breath.

 

“It's going to be fine, right? … Right Gale?” His voice was wavering and his sister looked at him, casting him a sideways glance, before putting her hand on his thigh.

 

“You're amazing H. You'll do great and mum and I will be there when you're done, okay?”

 

Harry let his fingers slip between hers and she squeezed his hand gently, before bringing it back to the steering-wheel. “Okay, yeah, okay.”

 

**//**

 

“Harry Styles?”

 

Harry looked up, taking out his earphones and nodding, “yeah?”

 

“You're up in five.”

 

“Yeah, okay, thank you.”

 

He closed his eyes again, listening to the music and running over his steps one time, two times, three times, before his name was called again. He snapped his eyes open, stood up and followed the lady to the entrance of the auditorium.

 

“Harry Styles?”

 

“Yeah, that's – I'm Harry.”

 

The man looked up at him over his clipboard, his eyes annoyed, like he'd rather be somewhere else and Harry just might understand why.

 

“You can start when you're ready,” his tone implying him to _hurry the fuck up_ already and Harry tried to calm his racing heartbeat.

 

Harry positioned himself, centre stage, breathing in and out a few times before nodding to his right. Music started playing almost immediately. He searched the dark auditorium, finding Gale somewhere in the back, near the exit. She didn't move, just kept on looking and Harry wanted to run up to her, asking where their mother was, but he didn't, he couldn't.

 

He counted, one, two, three, four. Imagining every single step, imagining how to land and turn and jump.

 

He took his first step, he didn't hear the music or the way his footsteps carried him over the wooden stage. The rush in his ears was loud and overwhelming, nothing new, but still big and freighting. His breathing was unsteady, harsh and he pushed himself to dance and move and –

 

He saw Gale slip out the door, a man in uniform waiting for her. Harry saw the way his sister put her hand over her mouth, the way she always did when she'd cry. 

 

With, what felt like more force than could come from the jump he made, his footing went wrong, he felt his body twist, to make sure he wouldn't fall, but it was too late. His lungs seemed too big for his chest and he couldn't help but cry out when his knee his the stage too hard.

 

Everything went silent, his ears ringing, vision blurred. He tried to get up, but couldn't move his body. His limbs felt heavy and everything seemed so far away.

 

“Thank you Mr. Styles, you'll be hearing from us.” The voice sounded far away, rough and slow. Harry just nodded, tried his best to get up, the whole auditorium was spinning, but he finally got up and left the stage.

 

He felt sick, a lump forming in his throat. And while he felt horrible, a failure, he still didn't cry. He couldn't feel anything, apart from the fact that his felt like throwing up his breakfast.

 

He stumbled out of the auditorium, people were watching him, like they could see how big he fucked up, but he ignored them. He found Gale, still talking to the – Policeman?

 

“What's going on?” he choked out, his voice hoarse and out of breath. Gale was crying and he didn't know what to do. The feeling in his limbs was slowly coming back, a burning pain in his knee made him hiss out a breath when his sister touched his wrist. She tugged him closer to her, making him step back towards her. The policeman looked at him, his eyes sad.

 

“Are you Harry Styles?”

 

Harry nodded, afraid to say something out loud, as if that would make it worse.

 

“I'm sorry to –” Harry didn't hear. He saw the words forming on the policeman's lips. He felt Gale's hand on his arm, trying to keep him with her, to make sure he wouldn't run. He couldn't. Every sound seemed to fade, the words didn't have a sound, but Harry still heard them.

 

He screamed, before collapsing on the hard, cold ground and blacking out.

 

            ~

 

Monday, the sixth of January and Harry rushed down the stairs, throwing on his favourite _Jack Wills_ jumper, before grabbing his keys of the small table in the hallway. He was late, he still needed to get to the station, get on a train and travel for a good three hours. And, his first lecture of the new year started at one thirty.

 

He had woken up at seven, laid in bed and stared at the ceiling for another half an hour, making sure his composure would be intact. Eventually he forced himself to take a shower, he hit his knee against the toilet on his way out, which had caused him to swear loudly. His hair was still dripping wet when he pulled on one of his many band shirts and he pocketed his phone before he'd left his room.

 

He ducked his head around the corner to look in the kitchen, where Gale was making him breakfast. He smiled softly, before hoisting his bag over his shoulder.

 

“You didn't honestly think you could just sneak out, did you?” Gale said calmly, after she placed some toast and jam on the kitchen table. Harry sighed in defeat and walked into the kitchen.

 

“No?”

 

“You're limping again.”

 

“No, I'm fine. Thanks for this though, but I have to go, I'll see you in a few weeks all right?” He grabbed a slice of toast from one of the plates and took a bite, before kissing Gale's cheek. She made a dismissive noise, but smiled.

 

“Just let a doctor check it out all right? Just for my peace of mind okay?” she asked, before he could leave.

 

“It's fine Gale. I'm fine.” His sister rolled her eyes and kissed his cheek. He smiled and hurried out the door, promising her to call.

 

//

 

“Zayn!” It stayed quiet and Harry toed of his shoes, before walking to the kitchen. He dumped his bag on the kitchen table and took his phone. He texted Gale, telling here he just got off the train, promising to call her soon.

 

He was just about to open the refrigeratorwhenMarimba started playing. Harry snatched his phone of the counter and held it to his ear. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“Harry, hey. Listen, I'm still in Bradford, won't be back before tonight. I'm picking up Liam too, so, is it okay for him to stay out ours for the night?”

 

“Yeah, sure, no problem. I'm going to the supermarket by the way, is there anything you need me to pick up for you?”

 

“Yeah, bring me condoms and lube. You're a hero, I owe you!”

 

With a click the line went dead and Harry groaned.

 

//

 

Harry zigzagged around people, holding his laptop close to his chest, the cold January air still clinging to his clothes. He was just rounding the last corner when he collided with something hard. He stumbled backwards and when he looked up, his eye fell on a girl on the ground.

 

“Oh, shit, I'm sorry! Here let me – There you go. I'm so sorry, let me buy you another coffee and here, have my jumper, give me yours and I'll return it to you clean and dry. Promise,” he rambled and started pulling of his jumper when the girl started laughing.

 

“You don't have to do that, you know. I'll be fine, it was an accident,” she said and  threw he coffee cup in one of the bins. She looked down at her coffee stained vest.

 

“I know that, just – For me okay? It'll make me feel better. Here.” He gave here his jumper, while she handed him hers and she put it one. The sleeves were a bit too long, like the whole jumper really, but she looked good, Harry thought.

 

“Thank you,” she smiled and he held up his hand.

 

“Give me your phone and I'll put my number in. Call me when to meet you and I'll bring your vest and buy you a coffee.” She put her phone back in her bag and Harry smiled timidly.

 

“Alright, promise,” she said, before stepping around him and walking away.

 

“Wait!” She turned around and Harry held up his hands. “What's your name?”

 

“Jasmine.”

 

“Nice to meet you Jasmine, I'm Harry.”

 

She smiled and waved, before winking and walking away. Harry just shook his head, laughing, before rushing of to his first lecture of the new year.

 

//

 

“Jesus, Harry, it's winter for God's sake, why are you wearing – that?” Niall asked, when he saw him. He was wearing a warm-looking jumper and a body warmer.

 

“That's a long story. Hi Louis.”

 

“Harry,” Louis answered, looking around Niall and nodding.

 

“Well, tell us!” Niall pushed and Harry slid into his seat. He told them, slow and thoughtful and eventually Niall looked at him, his eyes wide. Louis was the first to speak.

 

“You mean Jasmine Mitchell?”

 

“I uh – I guess? I don't know, who's she?”

 

“You don't know who Jasmine Mitchell is?” Niall hissed, Mr. Andrews just started his lecture. Harry nodded once, trying to pay attention. He didn't understand what was so special about the girl. Of course she was good looking, she had long blonde hair, curling at the end. Her eyes were a dark green. That was all he knew about here, really.

 

“No, who's she?”

 

“She was Giselle, in _Giselle_ last year,” Louis provided the answer and Harry choked on his own breath. Flashes of memories blinded him. He closed his eyes, trying to breathe through hurt in his heart and the burning in his lungs.

 

“What?”

 

“She was –”

 

“I heard Niall!”

 

“She's really good though, she has danced with a lot of big names,” Louis said, as if to explain she was a dancer. Harry didn't answer, his mind clouded.

 

“When are you taking her for coffee H?” Niall whispered after maybe ten minutes, Mr. Andrews was still talking, his voice distant and Harry tried to focus on Niall next to him.

 

“I'm not.”

 

“Not what?” Louis hissed this time, clearly thinking he was mad for not taking her out. And it wasn't like he didn't like her, she was fine. She was beautiful and friendly, the problem was, Harry didn't know if he could take her being a dancer. He didn't know if he could handle talking to her, hearing her talk about something he gave up not that long ago. That, and she was a girl.

 

Before he knew it, he got up out of his seat, Mr. Andrews shot him a look but didn't comment. Harry apologised silently, storming out of the room. The door closed behind him and he stared. The cold air outside wrapped around him, but he didn't feel anything. He felt numb, on the brink of crying.

 

Harry screamed, he wanted to pull his hair out just to feel something. He'd done everything to not feel this past year, but in this moment, he would do anything to feel something.

 

The door behind him opened again.

 

“Harry?”

 

“Leave me alone,” he snapped, he was not in the mood for _Louis Tomlinson_. Louis fucking Tomlinson, who was always happy and smiling and touching. Who always made Harry feel irrelevant, because Louis was good at everything thing. He was nice and honest, he always helped people, did everything right and was an almost straight A-student. 

 

“I'm sorry, for whatever I did to you, but, are you okay?” the boy behind him whispered. Harry heard the hesitation in his voice.

 

Harry didn't answer, just let his hands fall to his side and turned around. He burst out laughing (which was better than crying if he was being honest), without really intending to and Louis looked a bit taken aback.

 

“No, Louis, I'm not okay. I'm far from okay!”

 

“Do you want to talk about that?”

 

Harry let out sharp breath and shook his head. “You know what? I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm great. Can you leave me alone now?”

 

“I don't think so, c'mon, let's just walk for a bit okay? Niall will take our stuff when lecture's over. Come on Harry,” Louis tugged on his arm and started walking. Harry gulped when Louis didn't let go of his arm.

 

Harry felt the cold January air prickle his skin, goosebumps rising on his arms and he shivered. Louis gripped his arm harder and pulled him inside the library, where it was warm and silent and empty.

 

“We're walking to the library? What are we doing here?” Harry asked, he wrapped his arms around himself to warm up a bit.

 

“Well, since I've been tagging along with you and Niall for almost five months now and I still don't know you, I thought, why not get to know him, huh?” Louis smiled, his eyes crinkled and his teeth showing. And that, _that_ , was what Harry hated about the man in front of him. His simple ways to make someone melt into a puddle of nothing because he smiled. Just showing his teeth and the crinkles by his eyes.

 

Harry sat down next to him on the ground, somewhere warm and far away enough for the librarian not to hear them talking.

 

“Right.”

 

“So, how about twenty questions?”

 

“Fine, I'll start. What's your favourite colour?”

 

Louis snorted and clapped his hand over his mouth. “That's the best you can do? Alright, I think it's blue. How about yours?”

 

“Yeah, blue's cool. Do you have any pets?”

 

“No, I do have four sisters though, they could be pets, sort of. No, I'm joking, but, they can be a hand full sometimes, so no pets. You?”

 

“I had a cat once, but she disappeared one day, we think she was in a hit and run  accident, if you can call it that with a cat,” Harry laughed softly. Louis smiled brightly at that answer. “Where're you from?”

 

“Doncaster, I live there with my mum and sisters. Father left when I was five. My mum married Mark a few years later, I got a sister, Lottie, then Fizzy and then the twins, Phoebe and Daisy. I all love them to death, really, but when Mark left, it got hard sometimes and I wished more than once I never had sisters.

 

It's been three years now though, so it's better. Lottie has grown up much too fast, but she can help mum out now, when I'm here and then there's Dan now, he's a good guy, helps out wherever, whenever he can,” Louis smiled, his eyes fond and loving at the memories. Until he remembered Harry and looked up. “Do you have brothers or sisters?” 

 

“Two sisters,” Harry whispered, “Gemma, she's twenty-three now, she's in New York, working for some company I can't remember the name off. Last time I've seen her was almost six months ago. And there's Gale, were twins, so. Gale still lives in Holmes Chapel, works there too. I go and visit as often as possible. My dad is living in Manchester now, he uh – He's paying for my apartment here to be honest, as a peace offering I guess. It's fine though, if the only thing I have to do is call him once in a while.”

 

“Where's your mum?”

 

“Where's your biological father?” Harry shot back, closing himself off again. Louis eyed the boy curiously. Harry pressed his lips together, staring back at Louis. He concentrate on breathing slowly, deep and steady. He remembered not going to his mums funeral, he remembered being angry at her and himself and most of all he was angry at the driver who’d killed his mum. Gale had begged him to come with her to the funeral, but he’d locked himself in his room, crying in his bed until she’d left.

 

He hadn’t cried since and that had been almost half a year ago. It didn’t mean he never thought about her, he just wouldn’t cry over it anymore. It was done, she was gone, there was nothing he could do about that anymore.

 

“I don't know,” Louis’ voice brought him back to the present, “I know he's married to a woman named Kim and he has a daughter with here, Georgia. That's all. I don't talk to him, nor do I want to.”  
  
Louis smiled at him, like he knew Harry had been thinking of something else entirely. Like he was just waiting for Harry to open up to him, on his own terms.

 

“Okay.” Harry closed his eyes, letting his heartbeat calm down and he willed his hands to stop shaking. His knee was hurting again, he forgot to bring his bag, so taking something for the pain was not an option. He rested his hand on his knee, massaging it gently, trying to ease the pain.

 

“Harry?” Louis asked after a long silence, eyeing Harry’s hand on his knee. Harry nodded for him to continue, not taking his hand away, breathing through the stinging pain in the joint in his leg. “Why did you choose to become a doctor?”

 

“I –” Harry cleared his throat, before opening his eyes again. “I've always wanted to help people and get to know the human body better, so, that's why. How about you?”

 

Louis breathed a sigh of relief when the boy looked more like himself again and smiled. “Do you want to hear the truth?” Harry nodded, carefully. “Alright, I applied for this, Law and an Arts program. The first acceptance letter was for this study, so that's what I chose.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I've always wanted to do something with music. I uh – I got accepted to Julliard last year, but I decided not to go. It wasn't realistic. I – Harry?”

 

Harry just stared at Louis, his eyes burning. “You got into Julliard and you decide not to go? You just _decide_ not to go?”

 

“I – Yes?” Louis said, more as a question and Harry scoffed.

 

“You're good enough to get into Julliard and somehow, you think it wasn't realistic to do something with music? Were you dropped on your head when you were a child?” Harry practically yelled. Louis laughed and shook his head.

 

“No, and I'm not really _that_ good. I just play a bit of piano.”

 

“Not _that_ good. _Not that good._ You have to be _really_ good just to get an audition Louis!”

 

“And how would you know?”

 

“Because I wasn't,” Harry whispered, his eyes closed. His stomach rolled, something vile crawled up his throat. He hiccupped, swallowing the sour taste on his tongue. “I wasn't good enough.”

 

Louis took a deep breath and wanted desperately to touch the boy next to him. “Why not?”

 

“I fell. I fell and I didn't get in.”

 

“Well, are you going to audition again this year?” Louis asked, curiously.

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I gave up so much for something I'm not even good at. I sacrificed so much to get that audition, I sacrificed three years of my live for that audition and I wasn't good enough.”

 

Louis didn't say anything for a long time. He stayed quiet, until his phone buzzed in his pocket and he got it out, reading Nialls text.

 

**hey tossers, come get yer stuff !**

Louis looked up at Harry, who had read the text too.

 

“Let's go find Niall.”

 

“Yeah. Hey, Harry, can I ask you something?” Harry nodded, looking at Louis with wide eyes. “What did you do, before I mean?”

 

“I danced,” Harry said, turning around and walking away. Louis didn't react, just stared after him, until he disappeared around a corner.

 

//

 

The next morning Harry woke up, his head felt heavy, he couldn't breathe through his nose and his throat was sore. He wheezed out a defeated breath and decided that today would be spent in his bed with a lot of tea. He shivered at the idea of getting out of bed and feeling the cool air of his room wrapping around him.

 

He texted Liam that he wasn't feeling well and wasn't going to show up today. Liam, as always, texted back within a minute, saying he and the lads were coming home as soon as possible. Harry smiled and close his eyes.

 

Even with the warmth of his duvet, he still felt cold and even though a thin layer of sweat was forming on his forehead, he just buried himself further under the duvet.

 

After an hour of tossing and turning and shivering, he carefully sat up, pulling on a pair of socks, joggers and two jumpers, before standing up. The room was spinning and he really, really wanted to go back and lay down.

 

He carefully made his way to the kitchen, put on the kettle and listened with closed eyes to the sound of water boiling. He stretched his knee a few times, hearing it crack and he bit his lip, not liking the dull throbbing in caused.

 

Eventually, he found his way to the small living area of his flat, sitting down on the sofa, sipping his tea and turning on the telly. Doctor Who was playing, one of the old episodes about the fallen angels and Harry closed his eyes. His nose was still full of snot and he felt so tired. He put his empty mug of tea on the coffee table, before laying down on his side and breathing out heavily, closing his eyes and drifting off.  


//

 

“Hey, Harry. Harry.” There was a hand pushing against his shoulder, something poked his ribs and fuck. Harry shot up from his laying position, coughing and sputtering, hacking in short breaths.  
  
“Holy fuck. H, what the hell? Why didn’t you call me, you look like you’re about to die!”  
  
Harry blinked at the voice. It was familiar and warm, like hot chocolate on a cold day and a pair of warm hands tilted his chin up. Harry blinked more, his vision slowly getting clear again.  
  
“Zayn?”  
  
“Hey bud, y’alright?” He smiled, feeling his forehead with his free hand. Harry nodded slowly, swallowing and shaking his head after. Zayn rolled his eyes.  
  
“I texted Liam, he said you were all coming over later,” he rasped, clearing his throat.  
  
“Yeah, he mentioned that. My last lecture got cancelled though, d’you want tea?”  
  
“Please,” Harry said, smiling a bit. Zayn winked at him. “Can you get me some painkillers too?”  
  
Zayn frowned, his eyes drifting off to Harry’s knee. Instinctively the younger man touched said joint with a shaking hand. “‘s It hurting again?”  
  
“It’s always hurting Z. Nothing I can do about it. Doctor said I’ll get over it sooner or later. Please, just. I’ll be fine.”  
  
“I trust you H. I’ll be right back. Try not to fall back asleep before I get back though.”  
  
Harry choked out a wrecking laugh and Zayn hurried towards the kitchen. Harry fell back asleep before the tea had finished boiling.

 

//

 

Two days later Harry felt a lot better. He went about the flat, washing Jasmine’s vest and making sure the coffee stain had disappeared form the fabric. He cleaned the bathroom and kitchen after and send Jasmine a short text, telling her he’d washed her vest and when she’d like to get it back.

 

**Bring it to campus on monday. I’ll find you sometime tomorrow. Are you still buying me that coffee?**

Harry sighed at that, closing his eyes. He remembered what Niall and Louis told him about her. He texted her back, telling her to meet him at Starbucks near campus at two and to bring his hoodie with her.

 

When the whole flat was finally clean, he let himself fall down on the sofa again, closing his eyes and drifting off into a slumber, only to be woken up by someone pounding on his door.  
  
“Jesus fuck,” he muttered, groaning when he got up. His knee cracked painfully and his let out a yelp. He staggered to the door, swinging it open, before leaning against the wall and gripping his hurting knee.  
  
“Harry?”  
  
Louis’ voice drifted through the hallway. Harry frowned a bit, before looking up and smiling. He saw Louis following his line of site, towards his hurting knee but brushed it off. “It’s nothing. What are you doing here? I thought you’d be with Niall or Liam,” Harry said quickly. Louis shook his head slowly.

 

“Niall said he’d be away this weekend. Thought we could talk. I think Liam and Zayn are too busy with themselves to make time to babysit me,” Louis laughed, kicking of his worn Vans and shrugging out of his coat. He threw his scarf over one of the free hooks on the wall.

 

Harry watched him silently, the older man moved as though he lived there. He moved with such ease, smiling and going around the house like he and Harry had been best mates for years. He followed Louis slowly into the kitchen, sitting down at the kitchen table and tilting his head. Louis darted around the room with confidence, glancing at Harry every once in a while.  
  
“Tea?”  
  
“Please,” Harry said, observing Louis with a small smile playing at his lips. The older man looked tiny in the empty kitchen area. His small hands picking up the kettle, filling it with water and turning it on. He moved to find two mugs, opening cupboards high and low, finding them in one of the corner cabinets. Harry pressed his lips together when Louis couldn’t reach them and stood up in hit tiptoes, letting out a low grunt. He exhaled loudly and Harry got up front his chair. He walked up to the older man, placing his hands on his waist and moving him just a tiny bit.

 

“Let me,” he said, reaching out and handing Louis the two mugs with a smile. Louis narrowed his eyes and bit his lower lip. The crinkles by his eyes gave away the fact that he was trying not to laugh. Harry winked at him, stepping back to give Louis room to finish making them tea.  
  
“Look, I know that, for some reason we’re not really the best of friends, but. I get the feeling that Zayn knows a lot more about you than any of us and – He mentioned something about an accident? Which, I know, it not my place to ask but, I noticed the way you tensed up when we talked about Jasmine. What happened to you Harry?” Louis asked, his voice soft and nervous, something heavy wrapped around Harry’s lungs.

 

“Did he tell you or did you ask him?” Harry pressed out, taking one of the mug Louis handed him. The older man looked away, embarrassed and shy.

 

“I asked about you, not specifically but, just. I wanted to know about you.”

 

“You did.”

 

“Yes. You want to know why?” Louis asked, his confidence building up again. He stood straight, his chin up and Harry admired him. His blue eyes shone with something firm and it made Harry trust him just a tiny bit more. Louis licked his thin lips, breathing even and his jaw tense. Harry blinked before nodding slowly.  
  
“I want to know about you because ever since the first day I met you, you wouldn’t talk to me! You told me your name and that’s it. I didn’t even know you’re from Cheshire and that Zayn is your best friend. Who, may I add, doesn’t even know you all that well, am I wrong?” Louis voiced loudly, putting his mug of tea down on the table and sitting down.

 

Harry inhaled sharply. “Zayn knows. He knows everything. I just don’t want everyone to know what happened with me and – Just. I don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
Louis watched him, eyes soft and Harry felt like crying. His vision got blurry as he watched Louis get up and walk around the table. The older male put his unfinished mug of tea in the sink and turned to look at Harry. “You know what? I’m just gonna go. I’ll see you around.”

 

Harry nodded, closing his eyes and turning his head before tears started running down his cheeks. He heard Louis breathe in sharply before walking away and the front door closed with a loud thump. That was what always happened. Everyone always left.

 

“Fuck. Fuck,” Harry cursed, gripping his hair and letting out a sob. His heart hurt, lungs burning with a familiar ache. His remembered Gale hugging him tight after the news of his mum being in the hospital. Everything had felt numb then, all the sound around him was just a blur. Like he was underwater and even know, remembering that, knowing that Louis had given up on him without even trying. Everyone always left eventually, just like his dad. And his mum. And even Gemma.

 

He pushed himself away from the kitchen table, his chair clattering to the ground. He stumbled into the hallway towards his room. His bed bounced a bit when he let himself fall. He couldn’t stop crying, his whole body was shaking with wrecking sobs.

 

He cried until he fell asleep.

 

//

 

“So, are you actually coming out with us tonight?” Niall yelled from his place on the sofa. Harry was in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich. He laughed silently and shook his head. Zayn was sitting at the kitchen table, writing down summary about some history project. Liam had taken Louis with him to the gym, they’d been gone for over an hour now.

 

“I don’t know Niall,” Harry yelled back, finishing his sandwich and sitting down across from Zayn, who look up with a raised eyebrow. Harry rolled his eyes.  
  
“Why not? You said you would last weekend, you promised.” Niall walked into the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge. “C’mon H, it’ll be fun. Lou’ll be coming with us too and -”

 

“Niall,” Harry sighed, “I really don’t think that a good idea.”  
  
Zayn stayed suspiciously quiet. Harry just took a bit from his egg and bacon sandwich and Niall jumped up on de table. He sat with his legs swinging back and forth, sipping his beer. “Why not? I thought you and Lou were becoming friends? He came over to talk to you, didn’t he?”

 

Harry choked out a laugh. “Yeah we talked all right. Just – I don’t feel like going out, okay? Maybe next week.”

 

Niall was about to say something else, argue maybe. But he was interrupted by the front door opening. A pair of voices drifted through the apartment and Harry felt his hands starting to shake. His last bite of the sandwich made him feel sick. Louis’ laugh echoed of the wall and Liam rounded the corner into the kitchen.

 

“Hey lads,” he said, smiling, his face still red from their workout. Louis followed close behind, catching Harry’s eye and his smile faltered. His blue eyes froze, making the youngest lad tense. Harry’s stomach rolled dangerously. “What are we talking about?”

 

Niall kept nagging Harry to come along, joined by Liam, who grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge, throwing one at Louis. The brunet caught the bottle with ease, shooting Liam a smile, before jumping up on the counter. Zayn kicked Harry’s shin gently to _say don’t worry don’t do anything you don’t want to_. Harry smiled gratefully and pushed his chair back.

 

“Okay, you know what, you all go and enjoy whatever you’re going to do and leave me to have a nice night in, yeah?” Harry said, throwing his plate in the sink and walking out of the kitchen. He didn’t hear another word about it for the rest of the day.

 

//

 

**When ‘re you coming home h ? thought you would’ve shown up somewhere last week ?**

Harry grinned at his phone, rolling over to lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Gale had been nagging him to come home for a few days, he was just so busy with his lectures and then Louis who wouldn’t talk to him, who he’d pushed away himself. And Niall who kept telling him to come out with them and then there was Jasmine who kept asking him to meet up again.

 

**I’ll try an come home next weekend yeah ? just been really busy.**

 

He bit his lip before sending out another text.

 

**Gale, I miss mum .**

He blinked slowly, putting his phone away and got up from his bed. The front door burst open and Harry frowned. Niall burst into the living area of the flat and smiled at Harry. His blue eyes were shining.

 

“We’re going out tonight!” He said, holding up five tickets for some kind of event. Harry eyed them with narrowed eyes. His heart started beating overtime. He sat down on the window seat he’d made there. He leaned against the cold glass.

 

“I can’t Niall, not this weekend. Sorry.”

 

“Fuck you Harry. You promised us to come weeks ago!” Niall exploded, his hands flying everywhere.

 

Harry looked up from his hands, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He'd pressed himself in a corner, his shoulder against the cold window. Niall was staring at him, his eyes sad and maybe a little concerned.

 

“ _Right_. I said, sometime. _Sometime_ is not now Niall. Go without me.”

 

“No. We're not going without you, it won't be as much fun,” Niall was full on whining now and Harry pressed his lips together as to not laugh at his friend. He never told anyone why he wouldn’t go out. He just. He didn’t know what to tell them.

 

“You'll have more fun without me mate,” Harry pressed, wanting for Niall to leave him alone with his phone and his books and music.

 

Niall rolled his eyes, picked up his ankles and sat down next to him, tapping his cold fingers against the warm skin of Harry' shin. The younger man didn't move, just rolled his eyes and turned his attention to look out the window.

 

“H, why won't you come out with us? I mean, if you want me and Zayn can stay with you the whole night. We could just sit at the bar and drink water for all I care.”

 

Harry threw his head back. He closed his eyes, seriously thinking about what Niall had said. It wouldn’t be so bad, Liam and Louis would just go around and dance, while Niall and Zayn stayed with him at the bar. There would be nobody who’d talk to him, he’d be safe. He knows Zayn best, trusts Zayn. He knows Niall too and well, the Irish lad was great.

 

“Niall, I've never gone to a festival before and I really don't want to, okay? Just leave it and go have fun with the lads,” Harry said again, standing up, his knees cracking painfully. Niall made a sympathetic sound, following him to the kitchen.

 

“ _Haz_ , please?”  

 

“No, Niall, seriously. Leave it alone,” Harry whined back. He didn't want to explain how he didn’t want to go out, getting to close for comfort with anyone other than Zayn or his sister.

 

Niall seemed to get the hint, finally and left Harry to make himself a sandwich and tea, while Niall went about to get ready for his night out with the others.

 

-  
  
Harry stepped into the studio, dropping his bag in a corner and walking over to the radio. He plugged his iPod. The first notes of the chosen song sound familiar, quiet and easy. Harry felt his muscles tense, just like they used to do. Everything felt so comfortable. The music, he could see the steps, feel it in his bones.

 

He started the song again and closed his eyes. Music flooded through the dance studio. He heard his own voice echo across the room, he counted his own steps. He took his first step, pain shooting through his leg, his knee protesting. He gritted his teeth and took another step and another and another. He turned, stepped, jumped, turned again and took another jump.

 

Harry’s breath caught in his throat when he landed wrong and his knee gave way. He ungracefully landed on his stomach, his hands burning with the impact of his fall. He screamed, more out of frustration than out of pain, but he screamed nevertheless. He slapped his hand against the ground and sat up. The music was still playing in the background, he watched himself via the mirror.

 

Shaking his curls out, he got up and started again. And again. And again. He started from the start, every time he made a misstep. And after two hours of practising, he let himself fall on his back, breathing uneven and sweat dripping down his face and back. The music came to an end and everything became quiet. He thought about the last time he’d run through this routine before his audition. It had gone wrong, so wrong. He remembered Nathan yelling at him for three hours straight. He laughed lowly before scrambling to his feet.

 

He clenched his jaw, his knee hurting so bad. He hobbled over to the radio, packing his bag and taking his iPod. He unlocked his phone, frowning when he saw the ten missed calls from Gale.

 

He hit the call button and waited for her to pick up. He made his way slowly towards the exit. His sister picked up just as he was about to walk out of the dance studio.

 

“Harry?”

 

“Hi, Gale,” Harry said, smiling at the hoard of girls walking into the gym. They giggled and he winked at them, before stepping out into the chilling evening air.  
  
“Jesus, you didn’t pick up your phone, I tried calling and texting. Where are you? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”  
  
“Gale, Gale, shut up. I’m fine! Niall came by to ask me if I wanted to go out and I left my phone in my room. That’s all. I’m good, yeah?”  
  
Gale exhaled loudly. “Okay, okay. I just. I worry okay? Don’t just send me text telling me you miss mum and not answer after, yes?”  
  
“Promise. How are you Gale? Have you heard from Gem?” Harry asked, looking right, then left before crossing the street. The sun almost disappeared behind the building surrounding him. A slight breeze made him shiver.  
  
“Yeah, I talked to her just yesterday, she’s flying in from New York in two weeks, for, you know. It’s been six months in two weeks H. I want you to come home then.”  
  
Harry took a deep breath, sidestepping a woman walking her dog and clenching his fist. “Yeah, I – Uh, I’ll come home on Friday night, okay? I still have lectures in the afternoon I can’t miss.”  
  
He heard Gale walk up the stairs in their home, the floorboard in the hallway upstairs cracking under her feet. “Harry – ”  
  
“I know it’s Thursday, but, I can’t okay? I’m moving on. I can’t just stop living my life because of her dying. I can’t,” Harry answered, pushing open the door to his apartment building. He kept his voice carefully emotionless.

 

“Are you serious Harry? What happened to you? You – Why won’t you just. All right, okay. What have you been doing tonight then?” Gale asked, changing the subject and Harry sniffed silently. His heart was beating overtime. He knew Gale didn’t believe his act, she was his sister, she knew him better than he knew himself.  
  
“I went to the studio just now,” he said, stepping into the elevator and pressing the button to the fifth floor. “I uh. I thought maybe I could remember my dance routine and see how it’d go.”  
  
Gale laughed, she sounded happy. “You danced again tonight, for real? How’d it go? You didn’t push yourself too hard, did you?”

 

“I didn’t, it was fine.” The elevator stopped and opened, Harry walked out into the corridor. “Hey, Gale? I’ll call you later, okay? I have to go.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever, be safe H. I love you.”  
  
Harry hummed, told her a quiet _i love you too_ and hang up the phone. He pried the door open, dumping his bag on the floor next it. With a sigh he made his way to the bathroom, going in for a quick shower.

 

//

 

Harry curled up into the corner of the sofa, scooping up another spoon of Ben and Jerry’s. He’d been watching reruns of Friends and Doctor Who for the better part of the day. It helped with not thinking. Zayn had kissed his cheek before leaving for his lecture and Harry knew he had to go out and do something, but he couldn’t.

 

He felt paralyzed every time got up, his whole body shaking with hurt. He tried to breathe through it, steady and slow, before the tears rolled down his cheeks. Zayn had promised to make sure he’d be alone today, that what he wanted. He didn’t want any of the lads to see him so vulnerable. He buried himself further under his duvet, closing his eyes and drifting in and out of sleep for the rest of the day, the telly playing in the background.

 

//

 

Harry took a deep breath, pressed play on his iPod and listened to the music.

 

A piano started playing, a bit upbeat and still slow. As soon as he counted down from four, he stretched his arms out in front of him, one by one, while walking backwards slowly. Closing his eyes, he stepped by, his feet placed on the ground, turning slightly and rocking his body and moving his arms to the melody.

 

Turning again, moving his left arm up, bending at the elbow and lifting his right leg up, ignoring his aching knee. He pressed his lips together in a straight line.

 

He watched himself in the mirror, his breath short, gasping and he forced himself to make his feet move, his knee screaming at him, but he wasn't about to stop. Twisting his body, his feet moving too quickly for the beat of the music. Turning around and letting himself fall on the ground. His hands smacked on the floor and he swallowed hard, before turning on his back and laying still.

 

He closed his eyes and paused his iPod. His breathing was uneven and he hated himself for it. He was so out of shape he didn't even know how to get back to being _in_ shape.

 

His eyes flew open when he heard clapping. He scrambled up and stumbled forward to the mirror. Louis’ blue eyes met his via the mirror, a flash of something close to a smile playing over his features. Harry found his balance again, turning around to look at Louis directly, breathing deeply.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I was looking for you, Zayn said you’d be here. Wanted to see how you were doing.”

 

Harry frowned, walking towards his bag in the corner, picking up a bottle of water. “Why?” he asked, gulping down half of the drink. Louis watched his movements with narrowed eyes.

 

“Zayn told me what happened to your mum.”

 

Harry froze mid movement. His breathing stopped, his heart pounding in his chest. His hands started shaking and his knees went weak. “Fuck are you talking about?” he spit out, throwing his bottle of water back into the corner. He stepped up to Louis, limping  slightly.

 

“I’m talking about the fact that he told me why you locked yourself, alone, in your flat yesterday. I asked him where you were, told me you needed to be alone. And. I didn’t mean to like – I like you a lot Harry, even though we aren’t really friends.” Louis exhaled slowly, stepping forward to meet the younger man in the middle. Harry watched Louis with hurt in his eyes, his body shaking with unease.

 

“You asked Zayn about my mum, because you like me? Why didn’t you ask me yourself?” Harry growled, clenching his fists. “You thought that if you went behind my back, talking about me with my best friend, who, may I add, had no fucking right to tell you any of this, would make me like you more? Fucking hell, Louis.”

 

The older man swallowed, stepped back and lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to make you cross. Can we like, talk now then?”

 

“Can we talk now? Yeah? What do you still not know?” Harry spat, sighing loudly and lowering himself to sit on the floor. Louis followed his motions, doing the same and watching Harry.

 

“Zayn only told me she died in an accident, that’s all. And, you said you used to dance? Why d’you stop?” Louis asked and Harry closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and told Louis the whole story. He told him about Gemma, who moved to live in New York, and his twin sister Gale, who still lived in Holmes Chapel and then he told Louis about dancing.

 

Dancing was like second nature to Harry. It was like, when he was little, maybe four year old (or five, who really knows) that his dad took him to see a ballet.

 

He had watched in awe. Dancers were moving gracefully, like it didn't took them any effort and while his father next to him was snoring lightly, Harry couldn't seem to take his eyes off the dancers.

 

After weeks of whining, his father took him to his first dance lesson. He stayed, watched and smiled when Harry talked his ears off about how great it was.

 

When Harry turned seven, he had been dancing for three years and he had come home to change after school, when he found his mother crying and his dad yelling. He'd just watched and when his dad looked at him, he hugged him and told him goodbye. Before he knew his mum told him his dad was moving to live in Glasgow, with another woman. Harry had been angry, he'd screamed and cried and left for his dance lesson, just to be away from home.

 

He didn't talk to either of his parents for weeks. Not even Gemma of Gale could get him to talk. He knew he was hurting his mum, but she deserved it, that’s what he thought back then. He knew better now.

 

When he turned eleven, his mother introduced him to Robin, who his mum had been seeing for almost two years and when Harry thought back on it he didn't even care. He understood his father and mother hadn't loved each other for a long time before getting a divorce. Five years later, Robin left too. His job had him moving from city to city and eventually, his mum didn’t want to move with him. He left to work in Manchester for a while, before crossing over the Atlantic to work in America.

 

Another five years later and his mum left too, just slipped out of his live before he could say goodbye. Before he was ready. He hadn’t been ready and she just.

 

“I had my audition for Julliard that day. Gale said mum had to go to the flower shop she worked at, just for a bit because it was so busy. She’d promised to be one time for my audition. She just. She never showed up and I watched Gale being pulled outside to talk to a man. He told us mum had been in an accident and that she was brought to the hospital. By the time we got there, she’d already passed away. There had been nothing they could do,” Harry said, his voice steady. There showed no emotion on his face and Louis blinked, not having said a word for the whole time Harry had been talking.

 

“Can you like, say something, please,” Harry said after minutes of silence. Louis blinked some more, leaning forward and taking Harry’s hand in his. His small fingers slipped between Harry’s, squeezing gently. Harry swallowed silently, looking at their entwined hands.

 

“You’re so, so strong Harry,” Louis whispered, “and I’m so, so sorry for not like, asking you about it first. I just, didn’t know how. You shut me out before, y’know. Do you remember that day in the library? You just blanked out on me.”

 

Harry felt his lower lip shake, tears burning in his eyes and he blinked quickly. “Yeah, well. I don’t really like talking about it. Yesterday was like, the six month mark or something. I’m driving up to Cheshire tonight.”

 

Louis smiled softly, bringing his left hand up to Harry’s face, touching his jaw. Harry looked back up at him, eyes locking. He felt his breath hitch when Louis leaned towards him, eyes unblinking. Louis’ slender fingers brushed his cheekbones, pushing a stray curl behind his ear and keeping it there. Harry exhaled, biting his lip and fitting his left hand over Louis heart.

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

“A bit, yeah.” Louis smiled, his eyes crinkling. Harry pursed his lips.

 

“Are you going to kiss me?”

 

“Do you want me too?” Louis countered and Harry breathed out a laugh, rushing forward while pulling Louis towards himself by his shirt. Louis laughed, their mouths crashing together in a mess of teeth and lips and Harry couldn’t stop laughing. It all felt so ridiculous, Louis turned his head slightly, lips brushing over Harry’s cheek , breath warm and rushed.

 

“’m Sorry, sorry. Just, hold on a minute,” Louis whispered, pulling back slightly. Harry blinked before pulling Louis back again, this time slowly and their lips met softly. “Better,” Louis said gently, kissing the younger boy for real. Harry responded without hesitation, smiling into the kiss, letting Louis set the pace.

 

//

 

Harry sat down with his tea, watching people walk in and out of the coffee shop. His phone vibrated with a new text message. He fished it out of his coat pocket and smiled stupidly at the name appearing on the screen.

 

**How was your weekend ? i missed you. how is Gale? did you see gemma too ? (:**

**It was all right, gale is great she has a boyfriend !! and gemma said shed try to come home more often. I missed you too , think we can meet up later today?** He sent back, looking up in time to see a girl sit down opposite of him. He recognized Jasmine, het blond hair pulled up into a bun. Her green eyes sparkled with something close to easy banter.

 

“Hi,” she said, handing him his purple hoodie. He smiled, taking it from her and handing her the white vest without hesitation.

 

“Hello. How’s your week been? Do you want coffee, tea?” he asked and Jasmine nodded.

 

“Please, tea would be lovely. It’s gotten rather cold, hasn’t it? Thank you so much for cleaning my vest.” She bit her lip, looking down at the white sweater. Harry tipped his hat, standing up to fetch her a tea.

 

Harry walked over to her not five minutes later, setting the tea down in front of her and taking his place again. She sipped her tea silently. “So, I was thinking,” Harry started, hesitating. “I heard from my friends that you uh. You dance? You danced with a lot of big names, right?”

 

“Yeah, I guess. I’m not one to brag about that sort of thing. Why?” she countered, tilting her head. She shrugged of her trench coat and hung it over the back of her chair.

 

Harry took a deep breath, telling her about his auditions and that he stopped dancing for a while, though he started again. She listened to him with wide eyes.

 

“So, you’re good then? At dancing?”

 

“I mean, I guess, I don’t know. I failed my audition, didn’t I?” he said with a small laugh. Jasmine scowled, picking up her tea again.

 

“That’s one way of looking at it. You could see it as a moment to learn from. But what are you saying though? Do you want to like, audition again? Do you think your knee will hold up?”

 

And that. Well fuck, Harry hadn’t thought about that. If his knee was seriously injured, he would never be able to get into Julliard. He scrubbed his hands over his face in defeat.

 

“I think we should make a plan then, don’t you?” Jasmine proposed, smiling, touching Harry’s wrists and he looked up at her.

 

“So, you want to help me?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, why not? You seem like an okay guy,” she laughed, kicking his shin gently and Harry smiled, dimples on display. Jasmine exhaled on a laugh and nodded at his phone. Harry followed her gaze and he rolled his eyes.

 

**yeah . waiting for you now. Tell jasmine you’ll see her later . c’mon H, waiting !!**

 

“Thank you so much Jasmine, I’ll call you okay? My uh –My boyfriend is waiting. Sorry,” Harry apologized and Jasmine waved him off, telling him to see a doctor about his knee before calling her. He nodded, grabbing his hoodie and rushing out of the coffee shop with butterflies in his stomach.

 

-

 

“Off,” Louis groaned, tugging at Harry’s shirt with one hand, trying to push down his sweats with the other. He let his hand wander up over Harry’s abs, pushing down, rubbing his thumb over one of  his nipples. Harry let out a moan, pressing his mouth against Louis' bare shoulder.

 

Every sound and touch was highlighted, fuzzy and Louis felt on top of the fucking world, feeling Harry’s cock pressed into his hip.

 

“So beautiful,” Harry whispered against Louis’ throat, kissing and sucking bruises into his skin. Louis moaned, tugging Harry’s curls and bucking his hips up, grinding against the younger man. Harry bit down at the friction, frantic hands trying to get them both naked as fast as his shaking hands would let him.

 

“Missed you, missed this,” Louis choked out, when Harry lay back on top of him, naked, his hard cock rubbing against Louis’ lower tummy. Harry growled deep in his throat, grinding harder, pushing closer. Louis legs wrapped around the younger man's waist, gasping at the friction.

 

"Lou, Lou," Harry breathed out, "will you? Please?" Harry let his hands slide over Louis' arse, digging his nails into the skin and Louis yelped. Harry's forefinger slid over lower and lower, brushing over Louis' hole.

 

"Fuck, yeah. Get on with it. Come _on_ ," Louis whined and Harry let out a laughed, kissing him again and again, before pushing himself up and off the bed. Louis made a needy sound, sitting up to look at Harry, who was fishing lube and a condom out of his bag.

 

When Harry finally crawled back on the bed, dropping the condom next to them, Louis urged up to meet Harry in a mess of lips and tongue. Louis rolled them over, pushing Harry up on the bed, making quick work of prepping him. Kissing his jaw and neck, lower, licking along the lines of the swallows on Harry's chest.

 

Louis slicked up his forefinger, circling Harry's rim and slowly pressing in. Harry breathed out heavily, nails digging into Louis' back. As soon as Harry felt relaxed enough, Louis pushed in a second finger and then a third. Harry groaned, pushing back against the three fingers in his hole.

 

"You're doing so goo H, so good, so lovely," Louis said, kissing Harry briefly, letting his fingers slip out. Harry whined, pushing his hips up, rubbing against Louis. Louis let out a moan, sitting back and feeling around for the condom.

 

"Okay, okay. Good?" Louis breathed out, his vision blurred and his heart racing a million miles an hour. Harry was staring at him, eyes wide and green and so, so trusting.

 

"Yeah, yeah." Harry looked already so fucked out, his lips red and swollen. His curls damp, spread out on the pillow and plastered against his forehead. Louis licked his lips, taking a hold on his cock and tugging at it a few times. He blew out an unsteady breath and slowly pushed against Harry's hole. Harry gasped, closing his eyes, his hand working over his over leaking cock.

 

Louis pushed in, bit by bit, letting Harry adjust, kissing him slow and easy, sliding the fingers of his left hand between Harry's, squeezing when he finally bottomed out. Harry moaned, arching up from the bed and Louis rested his head on Harry's collarbones, slowly thrusting into him.

 

Their breathing matched Louis' thrusts, Harry grunting with every hit to his prostate and almost crushing the bones in Louis' hand with how hard he was squeezing. Louis moaned, Harry clenching around him every few thrust.

 

Louis felt he was close, his lower stomach feeling warm and his balls drawn tight. Harry was whimpering beneath him, Louis mouthing at Harry's skin.

-

 

Harry rolled over onto his side, blinking at Louis, who still had his eyes closed. His lips were parted slightly, Harry could feel his warm breath puffing against his cheeks. He swallowed dryly, pushing himself back a bit, studying, Louis look beautiful. His lashed touched his cheekbones lightly. The light streaming into the room through his blue curtains painting his skin golden. Harry reached out and touched his cheek, tracing his cheekbones to his nose, following the line to his lips. Louis let out a sigh, moving his lips against Harry thumb and snuggling his face into the pillow under his head.

 

Harry moved slowly, trying hard not to wake the older man. He rolled out of his bed, his back cracking deliciously and he stretched his knee. He felt sore all over, not really sure if it was from dancing or the sex. Harry grinned to himself, biting his lip before picking up his joggers and stumbling out of his room.

 

He found Zayn in the kitchen, reading something for his art course probably. Zayn looked up when he saw Harry enter and smiled. He pushed his glasses up his nose a bit.

 

“Hey, g’morning. Late night?” Zayn asked, his eyes gleaming. Harry rolled his eyes.

 

“Something like that. Been to the studio again yesterday. Talked to Jasmine too,” Harry said, busying himself with making tea. Zayn snickered, pushing away his notes and getting up to join Harry with making breakfast.

 

“Really, why?”

 

Harry smiled. “Asked her if she could help me with dancing. I uh. I guess I want to start that up again, see if I can get an audition again?”

 

Zayn let out a low noise. Harry went about, putting down plates and setting the table. “Really? That’s really great Haz! You mum would be so proud of you,” Zayn smiled and Harry choked on his own breath. He felt Zayn come up next to him, his hand on his lower back. 

 

“Thank you,” Harry smiled slowly, concentrating on making egg and bacon. Zayn pressed a kiss to his temple, nuzzling his curls.

 

“’s Okay mate, love you remember? Who’s the bloke in your room then?” Zayn changed the subject quickly. Harry loved his best friend the most at moments like this and he shook himself. He rolled his shoulders and turned to answer Zayn’s question.

 

“Yeah, he’s –” Harry fell silent when someone cleared their throat, he turned so fast his neck cracked and Zayn let out a surprised noise.

 

“Hi,” Louis croaked out, pulling the sleeves of one of Harry’s hoodies over his hands. He looked so small and fragile now, the sunlight casting shadows over his face. His eyes were searching, watching Harry with careful eagerness. Harry smiled at him, motioning for him to come closer. Zayn was still staring at them.

 

“What the fuck? Louis?”

 

“Hi Zayn, sorry about that,” Louis laughed nervously.

 

Harry laughed, pulling Louis against him, burying his face in his hair. He kissed the top of the older man’s head and squeezed his hand. Louis let himself relax against Harry and Zayn made a gagging noise. “Zayn, why don’t you go over to Liam’s now eh? I need to talk to Louis anyway,” Harry proposed silently and he felt Louis freeze up against his chest. He rubbed his nose through Louis’ hair.

 

“Yeah, all right. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Zayn waved at them, turning around and walking out of the kitchen. Louis immediately stepped out of Harry’s embrace, turning around to face the younger man.

 

“What are we going to talk about then? About how you made a mistake? Is that it, do you regret –”

 

“Shut up, Louis. That’s not what I was going to say. Jesus, come here,” Harry snarled and Louis froze. He narrowed his eyes, making himself as small as possible. Harry rolled his eyes, grabbing Louis’ wrist and tugging him closer. “I wanted to talk about what we were going to do now. Are we like, together now? Do you think we could make this work?”

 

Louis blanched at that, frowning and then smiling. “I thought. Yeah, I guess that’s – Yeah, we can definitely try, yeah?”

 

Harry smiled, his dimples showing in full effect and Louis covered his face in his hands. He felt giddy with nervous excitement. Harry watched him for a moment, drinking in the sight of his now boyfriend and fuck. He was beautiful and small and delicately handsome. The younger man tugged Louis’ wrists and revealed his face, all sharp cheekbones and cut jaw. Harry tiled his chin up, kissing the older man gently, coaxing Louis to open his mouth and let his tongue in.

 

“I think we can make this work,” Louis breathed into Harry’s mouth and let out a loud laugh when Harry picked him up, carrying him back to the bedroom.

 

//

 

 Three weeks later and Harry was seriously questioning his life choices. He was covered in sweat, his curls plastered to his forehead and his legs shaking with the effort of keeping him standing.

 

“Okay, again!” Jasmine yelled through the studio, signalling for Louis to start playing again. Louis fingers danced over the keys of the grand piano again and Harry hurled himself into position. The song started out slow, making Harry move slowly, gently moving the strength and pace up and up and up. Harry concentrated on breathing, turning, spinning round and round. Moving his arms, taking steps forward, moving like he’d practised with Jasmine.

 

Louis watched him with big eyes, not even looking at the keys under his fingers and Harry caught his eye, winking and spinning again, his curls flying everywhere. Louis smiled, looking at Jasmine, who was nodding along to Harry’s whirlwind of arms and legs and spins. The song neared his end, Louis pressing the keys just that much faster, harder. Harry stumble a bit, trying to regain his balance and. Louis stopped playing when Harry tumbled to the ground, letting out a cry in frustration.

 

“Harry,” Louis said, getting up from the piano and sprinting over to his boyfriend. The younger man shook his head, scrambling away from Louis. Jasmine blinked.

 

“Harry, it’s okay. This happens, you almost had it right this time,” she said, kneeling beside him. Harry let out a laugh.

 

“I need to stop fucking this up. The audition is in three months!” Harry growled, pulling away from both Louis and Jasmine. He got up, testing how his knee was holding up and actually crying out when a searing pain shot up his knee. He tried to breathe through the pain before hobbling over to the few chair along the wall in the studio. Louis followed his, not saying anything and silently asking Jasmine to leave them for a bit.

 

“Haz,” Louis whispered lowly, taking his boyfriends hand in both of his. Harry let his head fall back against the wall and cried. He was so tired, his muscles were screaming in pain. His lungs felt to small and his hands started shaking. Louis turned his face towards his and kissed hi gently, salty tears on his lips.

 

“You’ll be fine. Maybe we should take a break, just for a few days. See your physical therapist and talk if through with him, yeah?”

 

Harry sniffed, nodding solemnly. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

 

Louis smiled, pulling Harry closer and wrapping his arms around the younger man.

 

//

 

“Yes! There you go! Good, now, concentrate. Step back, point, spin, spin and stop. Yes, hold that pose, there you go! Great job H!” Jasmine called out, clapping her hands. Harry blew out his breath, relaxing his pose and grinning. Louis watched him from his place at the piano.

 

“What did you think about the music Haz? You think it’ll do the trick?”

 

“Yeah, I definitely think it’s good enough. What do you think Jaz?”

 

“It’s perfect, honestly. And I won’t change a thing about the routine. Keep it like this and you audition next month will be the best one they’ll see all year,” she smiled, handing him a bottle of water. Harry thank her quietly and sat down next to his bag.

 

Louis picked up Harry’s bag, raising an eyebrow and Harry nodded, getting up. “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow Jaz. Don’t forget to bring Ashton, yeah?”

 

“Promise,” Jasmine said, winking and twirling out of the dance studio. Harry and Louis followed her shortly, holding hands, while Louis didn’t shut up about the free concert they were going to attend. Harry felt nervous butterflies in his stomach, his hand involuntarily squeezing Louis’.

 

Louis led him out of the studio, back to his and Zayn’s shared flat and made him shower and change as soon as they got there. Zayn and Liam sat cuddling on the sofa and when Louis asked where Niall was, they said he was picking up a girl.

 

“A girl? Since when is he dating? He never talks about her,” Harry yelled from the bathroom, throwing his cloths in the laundry basket and stepping under the warm spray of the shower.

 

“That’s the reason he’s been away every weekend,” said Louis, who walked into the bathroom, closing the lid on the toilet and sitting down. Harry hummed vaguely. “So, are you okay with going out tonight? I know you still get a bit weird about it sometimes.”

 

Harry let his head hang under the spray, closing his eyes. Louis was right, he was still nervous, but he’d promised and he didn’t want to break that promise. He wanted to make Louis happy. He mind wandered off to his audition, which was in two weeks. He had two weeks to perfect his dance routine and he was fucking terrified he would fuck it up. Jasmine had helped him so much and Louis playing the piano at his audition made him more confident, but he was so scared of getting rejected again. What is they remembered him and what if they’d laugh?  

 

“Hey, Lou?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Do you like. Don’t you ever get tired of me?” Harry asked, rinsing his hair with his coconut shampoo. Louis made a weird noise.

 

“What are you talking about, love?”

 

Harry rolled his shoulders, hating himself a bit for what he was going to say, but. He was so tired of being tired. Being with Louis got him exhausted, always on his toes, never completely relaxed and he was kind of done with it. Louis made him happy, yeah, most of the time. He just didn’t want to be tired anymore.

 

“Well,” Harry said, turning off the shower and stepping out, drying himself off. Louis watched him, like he knew what was going to happen. “I think we should take a break.”

 

Louis actually laughed at him. “What?”

 

“I’m sorry, Lou, but I don’t think we’re going to work out really.”

 

“No.”

 

“I mean it Louis. I guess I just. I can’t be in a relationship. I just can’t.”

 

“Harry –”

 

Harry shook out his wet curls, Louis flinched and got up from his seat on the toilet. “I’m sorry Louis.”

 

“Harry, what? I thought we were doing so well? You got better, didn’t you? You were okay, right?”

 

“Well, I guess I’m not. I don’t need you to be with me every second of every fucking day, yeah?” Harry snapped, closing his eyes. He walked out to his room, trying to find his cloths. His mind was a whirlwind. He really broke up with Louis a moment ago and he couldn’t find his damn cloths. Louis hovered in the doorway, staring at the younger man’s back. It took him two minutes to start crying, because. What the hell just happened?

 

“I don’t even know what to say right now,” Louis exhaled, walking away from Harry’s door. He stopped in front of the living room, smiling when he found Liam and Zayn kissing on the sofa. Niall was still not there and. Louis packed up his things, whatever he could find and bolted out the door before anyone could tell him to stop.

 

Harry watched him leave from his bedroom window and turned away.

 

 

//

 

He fucked up his audition. Jasmine stopped talking to him after he kept putting of his dance practices and even his best friend pretended not to know him anymore. He was finally alone, like he should have been from the start. He finally proved to himself and the rest of the world that every single person would leave him eventually.

 

//

 

Gale picked him up from the train station, silently carrying his bag into the house and ignoring him for two days before she finally broke.

 

“What the fuck Harry!” she’d cried at him, with tears in her eyes. Harry had looked at her, not showing any emotion. He didn’t feel anything, his eyes were as empty as his heart. It didn’t even hurt when she cursed at him, telling how much she hated him. He just didn’t care anymore. He was shutting down.

 

-  
  
Gemma came home a week later, she did the same as Gale, screaming at him, before collapsing next to him on the couch. She just pulled him into her arms and kissed his head. He let one tear slip then, just one, letting it splatter against Gemma’s arm and she held him so close he felt like he couldn’t breath and that was what he needed.

 

//

 

**two years later**

Harry ducked his head to shield his face from the pouring rain. The winds sweeping around him, had him shaking like a leaf in a storm. Which was ironic, because it was storming around him. The streets of London were empty, safe for the lonely man of woman who were walking back from the tube to their next stop.

 

He shouldered his way into the first Starbucks he saw, shaking himself to get rid of the rain and cold that had settled deep in his bones. The shop was almost empty, the only people inside the barista’s and a man. Harry inhaled sharply when the man looked up from his phone. His blue eyes fell on Harry, staring like he’d seen a ghost.

 

“Harry?” His familiar voice echoed through the shop, shaking Harry. Guilt washed over Harry in tidal waves, not caring if he couldn’t hold on to anything to keep him upright. He stumbled forward, his feet tripping over one another to get to the man at the small table.

 

“Louis,” Harry breathed out, his hands shaking when Louis got up, catching Harry’s arm to haul him up. The older man beamed, blue eyes sparkling. Harry actually forgot to breath, laughing breathlessly.

 

Louis guided him to sit down, ordering them both tea and they talked for hours. Harry told Louis about his study, how he was starting his last year an Uni and how he stopped dancing altogether, for real this time. Dancing didn’t make him happy anymore. Nothing really did, but he thought maybe to not tell Louis that, yet.

 

Louis admitted to have gotten his degree in Drama, teaching at a high school, producing a small scale musical and Harry had never seen him happier, talking about his job.

 

“You’re happy, yeah?” Harry asked eventually and Louis smiled. He kicked Harry in the shin gently, sliding his feet up his calf.

 

“I am, yeah. Are you?”

 

“Getting there,” Harry admitted with a grin and Louis reached out to touch his cheek, just like he’d done all those years ago. Harry felt his heart somersault and he leaned forward into the older man’s touch.

 

“Are you nervous?” Louis asked in a whisper.

 

“No,” Harry answered with a smile and Louis beamed back at him.

 

“Are you going to kiss me?”

 

“Yeah,” Harry whispered, pulling Louis forward over the small table, pressing his lips softly against Louis, smiling into the kiss. “I’ve missed you.”

 

“I’ve missed you too.”

 

And they both knew they had a lot to talk about, but for now, inside the coffee shop with the wind howling outside, they were content. Harry still had a lot to work on and Louis had a lot to forgive him for, but if, after two years, they still fell into the same rhythm again, they’d be all right.  

 

 

 


End file.
